Everyone has their demons. Have you meet yours? Do they live rent free in your head? Or lurk in the dark corners of your room? Do they drag behind when you are trying to have a good time? Let’s talk about it.
Identifying Your Demons
A demon isn’t meant to be literal. It just makes for an easier visual when explaining. (If you happen to actually have a demon please look for help. There are plenty of priest willing to perform an exorcist.)
I’m referring to a nasty past, maybe an embarrassing moment you can’t let die or a person you have yet to forgive. There is something eating at you and it’s doing so for attention. It wants to be at peace as much as you do if only you let it.
What I believe is great about identifying what is holding you down is getting to know why they exist. Most times it’s as simple as a constant reminder to not fall into the same trap. Other times it’s for you to dig deep into and learn everything it’s trying to teach. And hopefully not often it happens so you can find the strength to stand up and conquer it.
I say “hopefully not often” because those normally occur with big trauma. And no one deserves a traumatic experience but at times it happens for the very reason to make you stronger.
Once you take a moment to think about it (if you even have the time) figuring out what these demons are could be simple. It could be ready for you to overcome instantly. But for the majority it may take more than a moment. It may even take having it triggered for you to realize there was even a demon to begin with.
My Demons
I have know of my demons for a while. Making peace with them is something I’m still working on. Being a self destructing individual who creates problem for herself just because life isn’t difficult enough… It sounds outrageous but that’s more or less what I face off with the most.
It’s a constant war in my head. A back and forth with no winning or losing sides just me in the middle waving an invisible white flag for it all to stop.
I know it can stop. I can control it if I tried. I’m sure I can make peace with myself and be free of the nonsense living in my mind. But again this section is identification and understanding why.
I can say I know why. But I’m not sure I truly do. I don’t know what it stems from. Or maybe I do but I haven’t dug deep enough. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit scared of what I’d find passed the surface. I’m quite terrified to know what other demons lurk in the depths. But the point of this blog is for me to do just that. To write it all out and expose the skeletons in my closed off mind.
Understanding Why They Exists
I always saw life as simple. What makes it complex is the individual. The person’s mind, heart and soul are what makes each of us different from one another.
My mind is my problem. It’s not a clear and happy place. My mind is filled with emotions I haven’t dealt with. It’s filled with memories I don’t believe I remember correctly. And it’s filled with doubts, fear and anxiety placed in me from being an introvert exposed to society for long periods of time.
I’m sure that’s not 100% true but it sure feels like it.
I believe my demons exist simply because of how I grew up. It all gravitates from my interactions at an early age. I held onto my perception when I was younger as solid facts. My misunderstandings to crucial life experiences became the only foundation I had to build on.
The difficult part here is digging down and fixing foundations that already have skyscrapers built on it. Who the heck wants to do that?
I’m pretty sure I have to. I don’t want to be at war forever. Though, I know it is doable to live out the rest of my life burring these demons. Shoving them in the dark where I thought they would be fine in. Turns out, it only transforms them into rooted creatures waiting for some poor soul to ask, “how are you doing?”. An explosion of out of pocket anger vomits acid filled words you thought you had under control. That poor soul indeed.
I’ve witnessed adults in my life living unaware of their demons and those around them suffer the most. They are stuck in their ways and have no desire to change. I want to be the change I want to see in them. I don’t want to be their age struggling with inner demons they accumulated on shelves. Who wants shelves? I already have a jar.
Make Peace Not War
At this point knowing what your demons are and understanding them leads you to either accepting them as part of you and moving forward or struggling to get rid of them, creating war.
We want to make peace not war. And this is not about getting rid of them or stuffing them down further in cages with flimsy locks. It’s to know that without them you wouldn’t be who you are today. And if you don’t like who you are now this is a wake up call to change. To get up and be the person you want to be. And if you like who you are, remember it’s because of your demons that helped mold you.
Artwork Explained
I drew something a while ago that fits this post very well. “Come Along for the Ride” is a drawing I finished back in 2016. I was 21 at the time. Now imagine yourself back at 21 years old. What type of person were you?
Apparently I was still fading out of my dark art phase. Introducing light colors to dark themed pieces. I was very intimidated by my own work. Never comfortable with showing it off. That stemmed from me not being comfortable with sharing, in general.
Art is a form of releasing my trapped thoughts. It scared me to think all someone had to do was figure out its meaning and just like that gain full access to my locked mind. Breaking that mindset took a while but I eventually realized everyone perceives everything differently, especially when it comes to art. Thank goodness for that.
In the drawing, “Come Along for the Ride”, it depicts a little demon hitched on the back of a women. Thought a bit hunched forward, the women appears fine. A calm expression with a slight smile. Patterns and light colors welcome her ahead, whereas, behind her it stays dark.
This is a perfect illustration of someone who is living in peace with their demon. Are you this content? Would you like to make peace with your demons? I believe it is necessary to do so in order to truly be at peace.
Thank you for Reading!
I hope you enjoyed this weeks insight of what my mind wanted to share. Have a wonderful rest of the day!! Thank you!!